Story of the day is ALL ABOUT KARMA [and a little about llamas]

The story actually starts yesterday. That was our tenth anniversary and, not only has Chloe successfully survived ten years of marriage to me, but SHE treated me to a dinner at Outback!! Yes thank you all in advance, but the only person who always knows what anniversary it is, is Morgan. One of us has to ask her or dig out the marriage certificate. Neither of us have figured out if this is a good thing or bad thing, so we just take it as it is.

What makes the story go back to yesterday though, is a history in our lives of things going bump in the night almost without fail on our wedding anniversary. Phone calls with crisis llamas, our llamas rushed to the vet, dogs eating anniversary cakes and having to be ‘treated’ to hydrogen peroxide, windstorms killing the power. Just about anything that might happen almost always happens on our anniversary, so quite literally we have rarely if ever made plans. But this year was different and NOTHING HAPPENED. So I get shoved in the car and off we go to outback.

Apparently however the world of Karma understands the concept of leap years and figured this year it would consider the fact that we were married on the second to the last day in most February’s required some adjustment and so…..

The story.

This month has been exceptionally mild weather around here [sorry folks]. Most days have been well into the 50’s and although we have had some cool nights, winter really has appeared to have vanished [he said rapidly knocking all the wood he can find]. The llamas have almost even stopped pooping the shelters as much as they did all winter. So this morning I decided to hook up the poop vac and start on some piles that I just been shoveling. That lasted about 10 minutes before the impeller blades chose to tell me that it really was still WAY TOO EARLY in the year for them to cooperate and completely plugged the out port with gunk. Fine I put it away and decided to work on the shelters and removed some of the deep bedding that I intentionally leave in there to accommodate the colder nights and make our crankier girls and older boys all warm and toasty. Drove the tractor in and scraped up the first load, parked it shoveled and forked a whole bunch more on top of the bucket load just like I always do and back out. Its not the biggest tractor in the world, a mid size Kubota 4wd 32hp. The lift capacity on the front end loader is supposedly rated at 1500 lbs, and I have calcium filled rear tires PLUS a 1000 lb counter weight on the 3pt hitch so this thing acts like a bulldozer when we put it down into low gear and I get to doing stuff. And who pays attention to maximum ratings anyway, we all know they are deliberately understated!!!

The route I take to get out of the girls pasture with loads for the compost pile entails going down a slight grade then back up to the main gate and out. So the options are back down the initial grade and the other side, or drive forwards down the first slope and up the second. I have never bothered to think either way about it since they are both no win situations IF you are worried about loads tipping and stuff like that. One way or the other part of the trip involves the load being pointed downhill. And of course I am superman on the tractor and she, the tractor is a she by the way, is super tractor; as a team there is nothing we can’t do.

Here’s where Karma found great pleasure today.

I decided since the load really was substantial I would back down and back up to get to the gate. What the heck it really didn’t matter, and when all is said and done it is easier to back out of the shelter and out than it is to turn around. Besides me and my tractor are an unstoppable pair. Always have been, no reason to think otherwise. OK everyone who sees where this going raise your right hand!

We get down the hill no sweat of course and start up the other side backwards; there really is no choice in that situation. And its not REALLY that big a slope, only about 20 feet long.
Next thing I know I’m laying across the engine compartment cover, the rear wheels are completely off the ground and spinning, the bucket is flat on the ground, and the front wheels, courtesy of 4wd, are attempting to dig their way to China! Yes people I know that’s what seat belts are for, but who REALLY puts their seatbelt on when driving their tractor. What is some cop going to scream into my driveway and write me a ticket?

The only thing actually keeping me on the tractor at all is the fact that my left foot is apparently stuck in the steering wheel. Not hurt just sort of stuck. All this takes a grand total of maybe 30 seconds for me to get into perspective, but that was one LONG 30 seconds thank you very much.

I gather up my wits [such as they halfway were when I started this whole arrogant attitude project], get myself to where I can shut down the tractor, but I’m still sort of not really standing, or sitting, just now I’m sideways and can reach the ignition and fuel shut down.

I declare an official coffee break and just head into house pretending somehow the tractor in all her glorious wisdom will fix itself and I can just drive out. I even sat on the front porch steps overlooking the entire situation waiting for her to come up with the solution. The second cup was finished and she still hadn’t fixed it.

So, I saunter into the pasture and shoo all the girls, who had also gathered up front and personal around the tractor waiting for her to get right, away from the tractor. I climbed on, got her fired up and figured what the heck I’ll just drive forward climb out of the hole from the front tires pushing the load in front of me and all will be well and good. After all, I already knew we couldn’t back out. WRONG, that didn’t work. Now we are buried to the front axle! So what’s a guy to do but go get a shovel and shovel out all that poop and bedding from the bucket. After all, with the counter weight, AND my magic calcium filled rear tires there is more than enough weight on the back end that the tractor will hit the tip point and just bounce back onto all fours. WRONG AGAIN. So now I have who knows how many pounds of poop and bedding sitting front of the bucket, granted off a ways, but there it still sits, rear wheels off the ground. And no, I had already thought through the stupidity of taking the truck and trying to pull the tractor out. Sure I’ll get in trouble if chloe gets home and the tractor is stuck in the pasture, but I’ll never hear the end of it if she comes home and finds the truck AND tractor both stuck. Been there, done that, and really don’t need a second reminder from what is quite obvious to everyone who knows us, the smarter one in the pair.

So what the heck, lets jump up and down on the counter weight, that should work. HA! Those of you who have met me know that I am all of 170 lbs IF I wear all my winter clothes and stand in the shower fully dressed for half an hour.

By this time all the girls are back again and gathered around watching with thorough amusement. Isabeau has her head stuck under the counter weight sniffing the bottom of it, Katee is licking one of the rear tires and Bella is gumming the steering wheel. The rest of them are just standing around looking at the fine mess I’ve gotten myself into. The only single comfort to all this is that despite what I knew was their personal amusement at my expense they had no way to tell Chloe the story.

Ok this is getting long and boring enough.

Suffice it to say, two 2 ton hydraulic jacks, 3 axle jacks, a sheet of plywood, AND more shoveling than I wanted to do in the first place later, me, my tractor, the two holes from the wheels AND the entire poop and bedding pile are out of the pasture and unless one of you squeals to Chloe, the only other way for her to find out is if one of my girls learns to talk, cause lord knows I ain’t gonna tell her!!!

Karma, it really is all about Karma. And Karma has a nasty sense of humor

Gary and Chloe [who hasn't a clue yet!]
www.roadsendllamas.com







This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Llama Cria Cheese with Whine or Wine or In This Case WEAN

Well today apparently Tessa has decided it is time to begin to wean Jasmine [official name Silver Jasmine], and Jasmine is very much NOT a happy camper about it. Nothing new, cria are never particular enraptured by the thought of the milk bar being closed forever. Jasmine is certainly not TOO young to be weaned, and whenever possible we allow the process of weaning to be as natural as possible. We let the dam decide when it’s time, even whenever possible or practical with male llamas. We have had dams wean their offspring at 6 months [like SOME books say we are supposed to] and have had them let their offspring hang on as long as 14 months. THAT gets a bit weird, having a 'no longer a baby' actually get down on their front knees in order to fit under their own mother to nurse. That really is something pretty funny to watch. And we have only really had that happen once with HEIDI our 14 month nurser several years ago.

From our perspective Tessa finally starting to wean Jasmine helps us with our concerns that the baby due in late May will be able to get a good freshening and have all the initial colostrum needed. We bought Tessa [official name Chilean Countess] at the Cascade Llama Sale held in Ridgefield WA last summer as what is called a 3 in 1 package; Tessa, her newborn cria at side, and a confirmed pregnancy from her being re-bred by the seller. We don’t normally breed back right away, but there are those that do within the llama community, and no doubt the fact that the seller wanted to maximize her sales price added to their decision to re-breed her right away.

But in the meantime, it is a bit of sad state watching Jasmine cooing, and humming at her mother while Tessa at first politely does the official llama “go-away kid you’re bothering me” dance, then to the not quite so polite kicking, “I REALLY mean what I am saying kid, you’re bothering me”, all the way up to the neck wrestling to the ground, “ARE YOU STUPID, I SAID GO AWAY”, definitely NOT a dance.

This escalation was quite surprising, and in all honesty Jasmine, my sweet little Jasmine baby was 100% at fault. Persistence in a cria attempting to change their mother’s mind about this whole ‘got milk, hell no!’ battle that is inevitable, but Jasmine decided to take this to a new high. Her first efforts at encouragement were more than appropriate from we have seen with other cria undergoing this particular trauma. Subtle humming, tail flipping and just the right amount of persistence when her mother kept turning away. But THEN, when her mother began to kick her annoyance, Jasmine threw what I suppose was the equivalent of a llama tantrum, putting her head up in the air, nose UP and pinned her ears back flat as if to suggest she was going to spit her way to getting what she wanted. That was met with a very similar reaction from her mother, as a warning that says, ‘I really think you may want to reconsider this more thoroughly’. Well Jasmine did not think it all the way through and continued her version of aggressively attempting to get her way, which is when Tessa simply slammed her daughter, placed her neck over Jasmine’s back and slightly more than gently PUSHED her daughter away.

This should be interesting to watch unfold over the next few days, and we as humans will need to be extra careful with Jasmine to make sure that she doesn’t choose to re-direct the security of the milk bar with attempts to win over our favors. This is a very important dance to orchestrate for us as humans to make sure she understands the balances and rules of being a llama in the world of humans. I have no doubt this will not be a big thing, just something requiring our focus.

Gary Kaufman
Roads End Llamas
Olympia WA

A Childs Tale or The Magic Lives On

Once upon a time, long, long ago, the last pair of unicorns on earth realized the only way they could survive would be to disguise themselves and their magic from the world.

They ran away into the deep high mountains of South America. There they met a family who cherished them for what they were and recognized how special they were. They were allowed to roam the mountains freely, without interference.

One day the youngest child saw strangers on horseback riding up the trail that led to the high mountain valley where the two unicorns lived. Fearing the worst the child ran ahead to the unicorns and told them what she had seen.

Gasping and out of breath she said ‘Run, hide, disguise yourself. There are dangerous men coming up into the valley and I know they mean to harm you”. The unicorns were confused about what to do.

“No matter where we go”, the male unicorn said, “People will know us for who we are by our wonderful horn. What are we to do?”

“You will have to remove your horns, it’s the only way,” said the child in all honesty. “It may hurt, but I can’t think of any other way”.

The unicorns agreed, the male bit off his partner’s horn, and she bit off his. They stomped the horns into small pieces, each ate the others horn so there would be no trace, and the magic would be preserved.

And from that day, on every time the little girl would go up into the high mountain valleys she would call out to them with her very special name. "YAMA, YAMA, YAMAS come see me", she would call and they would come out of hiding and play with her.

One day her father followed her into the hills and heard the strange name she called out. "What else would I call them father, she said. "You Are Magic Animals, of course".

And now, hundreds of years later, when you go out into the fields, you will see their children, now called llamas still chewing on the magic of the horns their great-great-great grandparents passed on to them after all these years.

Copyright Tuesday, February 12, 2008 Gary Kaufman, Roads End Llamas Olympia WA. Permission is granted for nonprofit educational duplication and distribution. This permission is in addition to rights granted under Sections 107, 108 and other provisions of the U.S. Copyright Act.

WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE

Last night of course was a total lunar eclipse and we were looking forward to the possibility of seeing it happen. We were not disappointed at all. Moon not quite full, not a cloud in the sky, stars out everywhere and well we live a bit off the beaten track so city lights don't interfere with our star gazing hardly at all. The motion sensor lights are a bit of PITA, but I just throw the switch and walk around in the dark.

There is a drawback however to moonlit nights. At least from now on apparently.

So I wander out into the back pastures with the boys, Chloe in tow. I have pretty good night vision and the moon had risen enough that my eyes worked just fine, especially since I knew where I was going. Chloe on the other hand isn't quite as adaptable to the dark, so halfway out there I'm already in trouble. Oh well, stuff happens. And of course I'm way too stubborn to go back to the house and get a flashlight. The boys are all spread out and probably annoyed that we are out there during their 'quiet time', but again, oh well they'll get over it. A couple are hanging out in the shelter, but most of them are soaking up the whole weather reprieve and are choosing to sleep out in the open.

It was a glorious thing to watch. The moon just kept getting more and more copper colored, and stars [well I guess planets] just kept popping out around the moon, just to say 'HI, SURPRISE'. It really was cool the way they just showed up. Yeah, I know they were and have always been there, but....

Some of you have heard me share a bit about our three LGD's. We've got Yogi, and Gracie and LUNA. All three are a never ending adventure and so far have been more fun than not. They are just an amazing part of our lives. Luna is the youngest, but contributes to our lives in her own special ways.

So, we are out in the pasture, sitting on the cable spools that are out there for Yogi who loves playing "up" with me, and uses them regularly as HIS guard points. Gracie is too old and really small so she never even tries jumping up on them, and Luna just hasn't figure out how Yogi gets all four legs off the ground at the same time, so she bounces up and down with her feet on the spool. Like watching a kangaroo trying to learn how to jump. She gets laughed at a lot. Yogi decides he wants up onto his spool, and since I'm already on it doesn't quite have enough room to fit, and doesn't quite make it, so I have to 'make room for him'. Fine.

Ok back to the eclipse, sorry about that. The moon is now ALL copper colored and I'm just mesmerized. Simple pleasures for simple people.

Out of nowhere Luna starts growling, way way way deep down hard solid and frankly quite frightening growl. I have heard her growl warnings before, but this was very different. Of course paranoid human that I am all sorts of things start rolling through my head and here I am sans flashlight. Yeah my vision is good, but not that good. Yogi and Gracie however are calm, quiet and just with us, grateful no doubt for the temporary relief from their nighttime duties. If we are out there, they figure they are off duty, sort of. Luna's growl keeps increasing and then she runs off up to the high spot of the pasture and is just coming totally unglued [she is really good at that]. Ok now paranoia becomes reality even though yogi and gracie are still just hanging with us.
I make Chloe go into the shelter [have no clue why though], and RUN back to the house to grab one of our super mondo spotlights and a weapon.

I may not be ancient yet, but am far from a spring chicken, and running is something I have given up on a long time ago. Anyway I FINALLY get back to the pasture and by this time, Yogi has joined Luna, but is not barking at all. Gracie just followed Chloe and was settled in the shelter which confuses me even more. She is usually spot on when it comes to threats, despite her age and diminutive size.

I throw the spot light on and see the two dogs, and there is Luna, head straight up in the air off towards the moon, jumping, barking, and snapping AT THE MOON! Apparently SHE decided that this giant copper penny in the sky was the absolute total enemy of the planet. Damndest thing I've seen yet, and unfortunately couldn't get her to accept it to save our lives. I did get her off her guard spot to come join us while we watched the eclipse fade away, was able to get her to quit barking, but she sat there for almost an hour, growling at her new found enemy!!

We have decided on two things about Luna; Wendy named her with some sense of cosmic humor in mind, and now instead of calling her Luna tunes, we are now going to call her Luna tic.

She has also apparently decided at least for now, that the moon is going to be her permanent enemy. Once we decided to leave the pasture for the night, she started up her personal offensive ALL NIGHT LONG! Not the usual I'm patrolling and occasionally barking to the world I'm here stay away all you bad guys that go bump in the night, but a continual solid constant and ever so annoying barking from the time we left the pasture, until quite literally the sun rose this morning. Frankly, you can only go outside and 'say good girl be quiet' so many times before you just flat give up. And I was hoping that eventually one of the llamas would go up to her and smack her upside the head and ask 'are you stupid!'. But they didn't, and a quiet night was had by none. Chloe was not impressed this morning at all!

Gary Kaufman,Olympia WA
www.roadsendllamas.com
Copyright 2008 Gary Kaufman, Roads End Llamas Olympia WA. Permission is granted for nonprofit educational duplication and distribution. This permission is in addition to rights granted under Sections 107, 108 and other provisions of the U.S. Copyright Act.

Runaway Llamas or How My Llamas Changed the Face of My Day

So I’m outside yesterday firing up the tractor to load some firewood and take care of a few odds and end chores, and Luna our Anatolian Shepherd is absolutely coming unglued at some ‘mystery’ way down the road that I can’t see or even hear. And by unglued, she is full focused and ridge backed, not a bark, growl, snarl or sound, just dead stare that tells you there is what SHE thinks is serious danger approaching or close enough for her to pay 100% attention to.
I look over at Legend [a temporary visiting male llama] who is turned out in the upper browsing pasture, and he is eyeball glued and squealing that ‘hello come back here please’ squeal that llamas make when one or more is taken out of pastures. But he is just a visitor so sometimes he does that when he sees deer, ducks, or our chicken.
So just to be casual I saunter down the driveway towards the road to check things out. And I look over to my right into the girl’s pastures….AND THEY ARE MISSING!
ALL 16 of them are nowhere to be found. I trot down to the pasture section where I had seen them browsing last, the outside gate was off its hinges, and a wonderful trail of tracks led out into the timber. Thank you Dahli [our no such thing as a gate I can’t open if I want to llama]. Chains, padlocks, Kiwi latches all mean nothing, she just literally will worry a gate off its hinges and shove it out of the way, whenever the mood strikes her.
Now please keep in mind we live literally at the end of a dead end road that essentially boundaries one of the state forests. Yes, I panicked. Called Chloe at work and told her to come home NOW, called animal services to tell them what I might be up against and they notified the sheriff in case someone called in some wayward llamas.
Ran into the boys pasture and grabbed old Joe one of THE smartest and most willing to please llamas we own, and headed into the woods to follow the quite easily identified tracks. Only time all winter I thanked nature for all the rain and mud.
Followed it BACK up onto the road where the tracks showed the girls were apparently wandering down and away from the house. So… with Joe in tow I start hollering for the girls who are not to be seen anywhere.
After about 10 minutes Tess, her daughter Jasmine, Katee and her mother, Luvy, come wandering down the road towards me, take one look at Joe in tow and go from a simple saunter to a dead gallop!!! Of course, that meant 12 were still unaccounted for.
So I decide at least I have 4, let’s get them back, and turn around and start heading back onto the property with the foolish thought that those four will just follow me and Joe into their pasture. I’m almost 1/3 mile down the road so it’s not exactly a fast walk, especially since the four girls seem to think its still time to picnic and are munching as they walk. But at least they are coming. And I keep calling for the rest of the girls, just in case. I get about 100 yards from our driveway entrance and quite literally I hear hooves behind me. And here comes ALL 12 of the rest of them, hell bent for leather my way. Chloe wasn’t home yet and it dawned on me that it was now 16 against 2, and the odds were not that good that all [if any] of them would come into their pastures. The boys by this time had gotten sight of all those LOOSE females, and started up a major ruckus, which of course got the girls attention.
And sure enough, all 16 of them make a beeline for the BOYS. So now I have the entire herd trying to get at each other jumping up on the fences with three LGD’s doing their best not to get trampled in the melee.
I’m running around opening short pasture exterior gates entrances [where the boys are already shut out of] in the hopes that the girls will head into the boys pastures if nothing else. No such luck of course. I also throw open the turnout pasture with Legend in it, just in case and have him shut into the orchard section of that pasture.
Joe in the meantime is quick tied in the girls pasture to the inside of the fence line in case some or any of the girls see him and want to investigate and because it was on the way to where the girls had wandered.
I grab a big bucket of grain and figure that maybe they will pay attention to food instead of all those boys. Four of my grain sluts [sorry ladies] took one look at the bucket and came right to me in the upper turnout pasture so I just dumped some grain on the ground and kept calling the girls. A couple of the pg females who were busy spitting at all the boys saw what was going on and decided food was better than throwing the cold shoulder and spit on the boys. Ok so now I have half the girls contained and half of them still ‘wandering loose’. I look over to orchard side of things and JOE is now standing along the fence line with Legend lead dragging the ground. More on that later.
So, I grab Joe, and quick tie him again right alongside Legend on the other side of the fence, he’s not helping things at all anymore, and go get Legend out of the orchard and put him up. Shoo the girls in there already into the orchard and shut them in leaving the main upper section still open. Eventually more of the girls attempting to get at the boys [and vice versa] decide quite literally on their own to join the rest of the girls, EXCEPT of course Cayan, her daughter Isabeau, Pixie [my not quite ABS female], and Bella. [Oh yea, about this time Chloe gets home with help in hand]
I go get Joe again, and wander him over to Cayan and Isabeau. Cayan is pg, and she starts spitting at Joe, and Isabeau is REAL interested in Joe. I get Isabeau on a quick loop lead, and start walking him and Isabeau back to the girls pasture. Well Joe figures out pretty quick that Isabeau is an open female, and starts orgling at her and Isabeau is old enough to figure that sound out. Fortunately, she doesn’t kush, and Cayan is just body slamming Joe [poor guy] left and right because he is messing with HER DAUGHTER. Now I’ve got Cayan and Isabeau back in their pastures, and loose tie Joe to a tree [for the third time] just in case I need him. He’s all hung mouth so ignores everything and starts nibbling on the cedar limbs.
Still have Pixie and Bella wandering around. By the time I get my little mess squared away Bella decides she REALLY wants in with the other girls and goes in. Pixie in the meantime is just grazing and making as big a point as she can NOT to get caught [no surprise]. And now I look at where I left Joe and he is wandering loose, dragging his lead rope AGAIN! I open the main drive gate to the girls pasture and he trots in to go visit Isabeau [I presume]. Pixie decides on her own thankfully to follow him!!!
Well, that’s an hour and half of round up and everyone is now accounted for but no one is where they belong. Grabbed all the halters and one by one the three of us got all the girls back where they belonged. No harm, no foul, as long as you don’t count an hour and half of heart rates [well mine at least] OFF THE CHARTS!!!
So the dust [well actually mud] all settles, the girls are safe and sound, the boys are exhausted from all the excitement and I decide to try and figure out just what is wrong with my quick tie that I have been using for years. I go get Joe and bring him out again, and just quick tie him to a corral panel, and I wait, and wait, and wait, and wait some more. And then Joe decides he has had enough of being tied, so he reaches out and grabs the loose end of the quick release loop and pulls on it, and the tie does exactly what it supposed to do, COMES UNDONE. Way too many lessons for one day thank you very much.
Darned good thing I was off work today, but frankly, work is much easier than being home turned out to be.
Gary, Roads End Llamas, Olympia WA




This work is licensed under a
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